I know that people are coming from a point of compassion. I understand that they see us in ongoing distress, and they want that stress to go away.
However, the nagging about putting our child in a home, or 'in the system', is not helpful. Especially when weve stated, repeatedly, why that is not currently an option. "You can't afford not to" is not a empathetic or constructive statement, it is born of ignorance. Putting the family in tens of thousands of dollars of debt each month is not going to ease the stress level. Relying on an overtaxed, underfunded, dubious state system is not going to provide her with support and stability.
So stop. Just, stop. If that's all you have to say about the situation, just stop talking. Because you are not helping.