Tuesday, February 26, 2008


Actually, not really, I'm just not the dictator type. Was talking with peeps, including Wolfie, t'other night about just this topic.

I am a cat-herder. I am very good at making things happening and delegating responsibility. Between being self-employed, in charge of care management for someone with disabilities, and from having worked conventions and autocrated SCA events, you learn how to make and keep to a schedule, how to make sure things are getting done, that sort of thing. I think if I hadn't ended up being good at that, life would have imploded long time ago.

Between this, and a overabundance of IDEAS (and not enough of me to go around), and an utter allergy to seeing things talked to death, I can often throw out things in a "So, here's what we're gonna do..." way.

This was very useful in the SCA, until my wasband crushed my spirit, and convinced me my thoughts and ideas were worthless. It wasn't really until I joined the Uru community, and begain my Mentor training, that other people felt my ideas had value again. Unfortunately combined with the ittybitty self esteem, the combative communication style learned from said wasband, and some major ideological and personality conflicts, I got pegged in some circles as power-hungry, trying to rule Uru.

Now, I'm 80-90% sure if you really went back over things, there wouldn't be much evidence for me trying to take over. I've never said 'my way or t'highway', and I've only deliberately spoken out against individuals twice, once when I told someone directly I disliked their methods of communication; and once when I felt someone's desire to force the community into their ideology was causing enough conflict that they needed to be ignored on a wide scale.

Other than that' there's not been much beyond the usual internets sniping. Maybe a bit more, cause I got on the receiving end of some people's target practice.

And, over the last couple years, with the intensive personal work I'm doing, I have been both healing from the wounds left by an unfortunate marriage, and learning to see the world with new eyes, and new understanding. It's made it mus less likely to jump into the fray, although I do still respond badly to direct assaults.

Safe Space

Most people might find it odd that I don't dislike the concept of an area for having hissy fits in. It is a very good thing to have a place people can go rant and complain. There's gotta be clear guidelines though.

One, Everyone has to agree, explicitly, to go Vegas style. What goes there, stays there. It doesn't get used outside the space, doesn't get dredged up months, years later, doesn't get talked about outside that room. It has to be safe space, otherwise it's not really a good place to vent.

Two, it has to be CLEARLY stated and understood, not assumed, that what people say there is *venting*, said at the extreme of frustration, and may not be what people overall think or feel about a person or situation.

Three, it CAN NOT be used as a front and an excuse. You can't use it to say what you really think about something, be vicious and nasty about it, and then say "but I was venting in the venting area!". It's not a place to just be a poison pen, Ann Coulter style, and then hide behind it being a place to let loose. Especially if rule one or two is violated.

So, while a place to vent is vital for most human beings, it needs to be a place that you can do so in trust and understanding. And there needs to be penalties for those who violate that trust, that space.

And now back to your regularly scheduled program.

Like Blade, I see the very clear impasse. They will respond sarcastically when called on their actions, but they never actually say, to the person they've attacked, "Hey, I'm sorry, I made a wrong choice."

PS won't ever say "I'm sorry" for smear campaigning me, T won't say I'm sorry to for continuing to post an inappropriate sig even after it was removed, Ywon't say I'm sorry for calling the mods Nazis, B doesn't say I'm sorry for accusing Blade and I of manipulating people.

I made the mistake of letting them get under my skin again. As someone said to me last night "How are the Slackers still relevant?" That's a very good question.

I've figured out what it reminds me of. Westboro Baptist Church. Wherein they are absolutely sure they are right, and doing the right thing, while much of the populace stands around going "huh?" They spend huge amounts of effort to get under people's skin, but stay just this side of the rules, so that when someone finally bursts, they can nail them with the "look how dangerous these people are!" argument.

Actually, it reminds me a whole lot of my ex husband and his girlfriend. They never did or said anything wrong or hurtful, it was always that they were either just reacting to someone else, or that person's "perspective" was wrong.

Sounds a bit like Scientology too, for that matter. Just call me Anonymous.

Y'know, there's a part of me that really hates to see people dissapointed... maybe I should start the Church of the Anti-Slackers or something, so then they have an actual conspiracy to be mad at me about!

Anyhow, this has all be patently worthless, as usual, so I'll happily go back to ignoring the latest Slacker-involved drama, now that I know I wasn't really being called manipulative and a user, that was all just a fish net, hah hah.

Monday, February 25, 2008

Yet Another Round Of BS.

I'd like to draw the community's attention to what just happened over on Ahlamnat's Blog

BAD made a deliberate accusation, that Blade and I were manipulating and using people into "fighting our battles", that people were to stupid, to blind, to make their own judgments. That Blade an I had orchestrated the entire debate in a deliberate attempt to discredit Slackers
When called on it, his response is:

"I wrote the above post to draw you out in a way. I didn’t really think you were behind any of this. I just needed to see if you were willing to surface for real."

In other words, he LIED. He, with clear intention, LIED about us, to see if we'd respond.

Let me make sure this is abundantly clear: BAD felt it was right and appropriate to make false accusations in order to draw us into a battle neither of us were fighting.

This is the behavior of the people challenging their 'detractors' to meet them on their own turf. These are the people saying they are the ones trying to make amends. These are the people saying they've done nothing wrong. Because falsely accusing someone for fun is OK. Because dredging through the internet for personal details on someone and using them to try and drag someone through the mud is OK.

Draw your own conclusions. Blade and I don't need a mind control ray for that.

I am locking this particular post for comments, so people can continue the discussion where it started.

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Deep Wisdom

NEVER got into a power struggle with a Discordian. The Rules are NOT what you think they are, and they change at whim.


Thursday, February 21, 2008

Eleris are...

Who I am, what I am, what I do, has never been much of a secret. No need for flag waving, and no need for hiding under a rock either. If someone asks, I'll answer as appropriate. If someone wants to go Google me, go for it.

Worrying about who might be whispering behind my back, or talking dirt about me in some seekrit forum, or throwing darts at pictures of me... that's not part of my life anymore. It's not important, not worth the energy spent on fretting, or trying to change people's minds, or defending myself.

I feel a sadness for the nifty people I may never really get to know, because they've chosen to dislike me, even more so if they've chosen to do so without making an informed choice. But that is their choice, not mine.

I have made choices too. There are people I have distanced myself from because of their words and deeds. That is my lookout, not theirs, and the door is open if behaviours change. I don't need to stand at the ready with tar and feathers, in case someone I have issues with steps 'out of line'. It is not in me to hate. Frustration, annoyance, yes. But those can be dealt with quietly, in my own head, or privately with trusted friends. I learn from the rash actions of my past, take stock in what's truly valuable, and move on.

Healing takes many forms. Slowly, I've been able to lay aside those agreements I had with myself, born of years of emotional need, that demanded I have everyone's acceptance, that everyone see me in the same light. From it comes a quiet understanding that all I need to be is me, and people will come and go around me as their agreements demand.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Random Noodlings

Established patterns of behavior are often much more telling than single incidents. Especially when dealing with situations where specific incidents are difficult to isolate. Mousie is a prime example. What triggers it? Dunno, cause it happens all the time. What did so and so do that people dislike them? Dunno, they're just like that...

My wedding ring stayed on my hand the entire 9 hours in the ER...and then promptly vanished upon arriving home. GRR!

If I was to have just one single Last Day Of Uru wish, it would be that I could walk into cavern wearing my usual sleeveless shirt that says "CAUTION! 10ft Aura of Permissiveness". That would make me a Very Happy Eleri.

How does one misplace a 1 gallon jug of lotion?!? By putting it UP on a shelf, evidently.

I smell like a COOKIE!

Off to check out this office space. Wish me luck!

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Was Uru a Sacrifice?

Cyan Worlds was dead. And not just metaphorically so, they had closed their doors, sent the workers home. Just Tony and Rand were left, to tie up some loose ends, and wait on the answer to a long shot.

It was a long shot that came through. GameTap would publish Uru Live.

Very few companies are brought back from the brink in this way, and Cyan would have been NUTS to put all their eggs in the Uru basket.

So what to do? You have a game that may bring in lots of people, may grow large, but from day one you know you won't have the resources to devote to it to make it as optimally performing as it can be. But, the act of putting it out there is going to bring in money...money that will keep you open, money that will mean you can keep working.

You put the game out there, you give it just enough to keep it afloat for the contract year, and you work your ass off on other options. You make absolutely sure you have other irons in the fire.

If the Uru works, cool. If not, then your company is still alive, something that it most decidedly wasn't a couple years ago.

Cyan had to have known that they would be struggling to keep Uru dynamic with what they had, and they seemed to ignore many efforts to uplift their efforts. Maybe that was because their main focus wasn't, and never had been, Uru. Uru was the crash cart, the ambulance. The other things they started working on were the things that were meant to sustain life.

It makes a whole lot of sense. Look how, after EoA, they were done with the D'niverse, and then suddenly Uru was back. Look at how the story started to lean in the direction of user-created Ages being the salvation. How the Guilds that were presented were the ones that supported community continuity and Age Building. How they're talking about hosting their own servers now.

Maybe their whole focus has been 'keep Uru running long enough to get our heads above water, and then give it back to the fans'.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Heretical thoughts re: Uru

There are two camps emerging in the aftermath of the MOUL closure announcement;

Side One feels Uru should be given a good long rest, and not revived until it's been given a complete overhaul from the ground up, rethought from concept to implimentation.

Side Two feels that access should be granted as soon as possible to online Uru in some form, so that people can socialize, and build/change their enviroment.

The two ideas are not entirely incompatable.

I have always held the controversial viewpoint that Until Uru (as kick-ass and positive as it was) had a detrimental impact on the immersive potential of Uru Live. We spent so much time playing on the 'set' as it were, that when the play started, suspension of disbelief became difficult.

Imagine that you and some coworkers do a Civil War recreation group on the weekends... there's a different way of socializing, speaking, behaving, because you're putting yourself in that space, complete with enviroment and costumes.

Now, imagine that instead of going home from a recreating weekend, your 'real life' comes there. All the office politics and behaviors and social structure is now taking place in the Civil War area of your life. Eventually, you get used to it.

Then, one weekend, it goes back to being the Civil War, and not the office. All of a sudden, you're back to having to think like the Civil War. And, there's people there now who were never around for the recreation group, all they know is Office while Wearing Uniform. And they think the Civil War is getting in the way of them getting anything done.

The magic, the wall between 'real world' and 'alternative world' gets smashed, and once it is, it is REALLY hard to get back.

It's the same thing that keeps Disneyland from allowing costumed characters to be seen out of character.

The line between 'just a place to hand out' and 'the world of the D'niverse' was so blurred, it was very hard to tell when we'd crossed it.

More people saw Uru-the-enviroment as a social outlet, than a fantasy story world. So story, as sparse as it was, held second fiddle to social interaction. Not a bad thing, but not ideal, either.

So, how to balance keeping the world of the D'ni as something 'special', and not just a hackable, customizeable 3D chat room ala Until Uru, and still provide that UU like space for people to hang out in, and build Ages?

It can be done, and even fit the existing story.

Retool Uru/UU into something new... make Relto, the Neighborhoods, Eder Delin and Eder Tsoghal available. Give N'uru a Nexus that has those places only, and can be customized by the shard admin to allow links to new, player-made areas and ages.

Leave D'ni, and the other Ages, off-limits for now. The places above, and any place new that the players come up with, are the only places 'safe' from the Bahro, for now.

This gives people the Uru enviroment to socialize in, but leaves the majority of the world of Uru in Cyan's hands, to be kept as 'magic' space, so that when the story can be resumed, we can all enter into it with a sense of wonder.

This would also cut down on one of the serious plagues of MOUL: "BTDT Syndrome". People who'd been living off of UU were BORED SILLY in MOUL, right off the bat, because the content was stuff they'd been seeing and gone over with a fine-toothed comb for years.

Cyan could make changes to places like Kadish Tolesa, or Teledahn, in preparation for re-release (which could even happen to N'uru servers...), and they would seem new to people, because they weren't the Same Ol' Scenery.

Thursday, February 07, 2008

Hmm. That could be interesting.

UU Shard-like Uru servers, with intermittant purchaseable 'expansion packs' from Cyan.

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Monday, February 04, 2008

Time to move on

Someone asked, how do you want Uru to keep going?

I don't.

I would like Uru to take a much needed break, and quit trying to duct tape it together. I would like Cyan to move on for a while, and pour some of their creative energy into something new and unique. I would like to see them take new paths, that they haven;t walked because they've been focused on Uru.

Nor am I fleeing GameTap. I enjoy stuff that I get out of GT besides Uru. I paid all of $5 a month for the next year. BFD. I pay more than that a month for pizza. I understand the people who are canceling, but I don't feel I'm doing something wrong by not sending that particular 'message' to GT.

Yes, this is very different than my last post. I've had time to think, now.