Tuesday, February 26, 2008


Actually, not really, I'm just not the dictator type. Was talking with peeps, including Wolfie, t'other night about just this topic.

I am a cat-herder. I am very good at making things happening and delegating responsibility. Between being self-employed, in charge of care management for someone with disabilities, and from having worked conventions and autocrated SCA events, you learn how to make and keep to a schedule, how to make sure things are getting done, that sort of thing. I think if I hadn't ended up being good at that, life would have imploded long time ago.

Between this, and a overabundance of IDEAS (and not enough of me to go around), and an utter allergy to seeing things talked to death, I can often throw out things in a "So, here's what we're gonna do..." way.

This was very useful in the SCA, until my wasband crushed my spirit, and convinced me my thoughts and ideas were worthless. It wasn't really until I joined the Uru community, and begain my Mentor training, that other people felt my ideas had value again. Unfortunately combined with the ittybitty self esteem, the combative communication style learned from said wasband, and some major ideological and personality conflicts, I got pegged in some circles as power-hungry, trying to rule Uru.

Now, I'm 80-90% sure if you really went back over things, there wouldn't be much evidence for me trying to take over. I've never said 'my way or t'highway', and I've only deliberately spoken out against individuals twice, once when I told someone directly I disliked their methods of communication; and once when I felt someone's desire to force the community into their ideology was causing enough conflict that they needed to be ignored on a wide scale.

Other than that' there's not been much beyond the usual internets sniping. Maybe a bit more, cause I got on the receiving end of some people's target practice.

And, over the last couple years, with the intensive personal work I'm doing, I have been both healing from the wounds left by an unfortunate marriage, and learning to see the world with new eyes, and new understanding. It's made it mus less likely to jump into the fray, although I do still respond badly to direct assaults.

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